Arguments are pretty much guaranteed to happen when you are planning a wedding. From budget, to responsibilities, organizing a wedding can cause strain on even the strongest relationships. However, there are ways to avoid this.
Keep reading to find out the most common arguments and how to diffuse even the toughest situations when planning a wedding.
Relationships are tough enough as it is, but add the stress and emotion when planning a wedding, you’re definitely heading toward some rough patches.
There is a huge list of tasks to check off when planning your wedding. Understandably, you want everything to be as close to perfect as possible. But now, you add another person to the mix and it gets complicated.
Maybe your partner isn’t contributing as much as you’d like. Or, maybe your soon-to-be in-laws are interfering a little too much. Whatever the case may be, find comfort knowing you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last to deal with these issues.
Here are some of the most common fights couples have when planning a wedding and how to overcome them.
Arguments Over The Budget
Money is a very common catalyst for fights in relationships. Before and after the wedding, money will almost always be a topic of discussion.
It is extremely important to have a sit down conversation with your partner and anyone else contributing to the event. Together you must all collectively create and agree on a budget. This will require a lot of give and take. The more you talk about it, the fewer fires you’ll need to put out later.
It’s ok if you don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to wedding expenses. That’s why compromise is necessary. It’s not only important during the wedding planning, it is a valuable lesson to take with you for the entirety of your relationship.
If your parents are helping out with funding the wedding, it is also important to talk about their involvement. It’s not always the case, but you may want to assume that their generosity may come with strings-attached. For example, your parents may want a more traditional wedding while you and your partner do not.
The In-Laws Are Too-Involved
Families can be tricky, especially during weddings. You have so many different personalities coming into such a momentous occasion. That’s why you must set boundaries early on. This can help save you a lot of stress during the planning. Not having boundaries can create serious issues and make complicated emotions arise which will only take away from the special day.
A very common situation is when a mother-in-law is making the bride feel uncomfortable. Some in-laws want to have control over what the bride wears, where the ceremony is and they may feel entitled if they are contributing to the expenses.
It is important to take a step back, remind yourself that as you enter this marriage you are also entering the preexisting family dynamics. This is the best time for you to determine your role in this new family and establish your boundaries.
Here are some tips for setting boundaries with in-laws:
- Take a step back, breathe, and think about what you want/don’t want from your in-laws.
- Plan out what you want to say, even write a list.
- Find a calm and neutral space to talk to your in-law. Avoid doing this when you are frustrated or irritated.
- Be respectful and polite. “I appreciate everything you are doing for us… The rest is something I want to do with my partner.”
A very common situation that pops up when planning a wedding is one partner feels like the other isn’t pulling their weight. Maybe you believe your partner doesn’t care or is agreeing with you too much. Soon enough resentment will arise and it could be a catalyst for a big fight.
An efficient way to avoid this is for each of you to write down what you want, don’t want, as well as your thoughts and opinions about the wedding. Go over the big and small details. Both of you should explain what is important to you for your wedding. Then, write down the things you don’t care or aren’t worried about.
Once you do this exercise, share what you both wrote down and talk it out. This will help you find out what you prefer to do and what you’d like to split between the two of you. The goal is to find balance and ensure the wedding preparations are agreed upon.
Not Seeing Eye-To-Eye
Maybe your soon-to-be husband/wife/partner isn’t contributing as much as you’d like. Or, perhaps you two aren’t agreeing on something. During the wedding planning process, it’s pretty much impossible to agree on everything. This is the ultimate communicate test for your relationship, and should be approached as such. It will help reveal how well you both communicate during stressful and expensive periods of your relationship.
Keep telling yourself that you don’t need to agree on everything. Don’t jump to conclusions or criticize your partner for what they are or aren’t doing. At least not right away. Take some time to collect your thoughts and feelings. Approach the situation delicately and calmly. Discuss with your partner what you are both able or unable to let go of.
Letting go is a valuable asset in relationships. You may want an outdoor wedding, while you partner wants something indoors. Find ways to come up with some healthy compromises and remember this day is for both of you.
The Take Away
Weddings are stressful and expensive. It’s pretty much a given that there will be arguments. However, avoiding fights when planning a wedding is very do-able. Think of this experience as the first of many major tests you and your partner will face.
Give yourself and your partner space to think about what the wedding means to them. Approach all situations calmly and with a flexible mindset. Compromise and learning to let go will help you immensely while planning your wedding. Additionally, it will help you in almost all aspects of your life.
At the end of the day, your wedding is for you and your spouse-to-be. Set boundaries and try to just enjoy the process.